Warning: more ramblings of a
I've always been a worrier. I hate when things aren't right, or I feel out of control. And currently I feel out of control. Not in the sense that I've gone a-wall and people better look out, but in the way that I realize more and more of my need to trust God and His plans, because ultimately there is a lot that I can do nothing about.
I said at the beginning that I knew this was going to require a lot of patience. But more than that I think it's been a test of how much I trust God. I want to do everything in my power to provide for this little life that's growing inside of me. I try to eat healthy, workout, and take my vitamins, but after that all that's left is to pray and trust.
I wish sometimes that I had a machine that I could see Aqua Baby whenever I wanted, just to check in and make sure that everything's alright. But that's not reality.
I hear from everyone that I don't look pregnant, and I still haven't felt Aqua Baby moving around, well at least in my waking moments. At night in my half dream state, I toss and turn wondering if it's the baby I'm feeling because my stomach feels like someone's using it as a jungle gym. But I'm trying to be ok with all of that. I know that every body is different. Every pregnancy is different. And things may just be slower for me. There's no news of something to worry about so why do I let things get to me?
Our emotions can be an evil little thing at times, and it's so important to not be ruled by them, and so I'm relinquishing mine and turning them over to God. He has my life and Aqua Baby's life in His hands and I trust Him. Whatever comes. Especially because I don't think that things get any easier once this child enters into the world. Best to learn this now.
Take my life and let it be, consecrated Lord to Thee!
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